Its Not What You Are Underneath, Its What You Do That Defines You

2008-07-12T15:36:00.002+08:00

The Dark Knight is NEXT WEEK!

I still havnt blog about LAST WEEK.

And im flying off to Taiwan in 2 weeks for about a month. (3 weeks plus to be exact)
after that i'll be a fully pledge 3rd sergeant.

21st

2008-07-06T13:16:00.000+08:00

Although most of the time, I m just too scared to reflect back on my past, because I was just too afraid that I missed the chance to savour on the good things that happened, and also think of better things I could have done during my free time. But instead I chose not to blog. So there wont be a need for any reflection.

But yesterday deserves this.

I would never have thought that being on the receiving end of a birthday surprise actually felt THIS way. Its hard to explain how THIS feelings was, or is. From a perfectly picked spot, the bunch of friends chosen, it just couldn't be any better.

Okay its getting abit annoying here. I still in my stunned mode, so I wont be updating the details this week. But these people, deserves my utmost gesture. A very very big thank you to those who made it happened.

Hakim, Din and Fir for the meaningful presence, and ESPECIALLY for the Cadbury chocolates, the book, the Picard, the cake, of all which you claimed were from the tree of you. Thanks eh!!

Sofia, for getting involved in everything that you did. Running around the tampines mall with naza I heard? Whoaaaa. (Well, many many many months ago, you told naza not to get close to me, so now, after yesterday, we’re even yea? Hahaha. Joking,)

Aaron – It was your birthday yesterday and my apologies for stealing the limelight away. But thank you for very very much for being there!

And also to all who got yourself into the book, - hakim jaafar, ida dayana, azfar, lyana, din, firdaus, nuraidah, nazneen, azeemah, raihanah, Hussein, hazirah and hazimah, AFIFAH MUNIRAH.

And nazaratul farhana? She deserves an entry of its own.

(hopefully when im much compose, there'll be edits)

2008-05-18T21:25:00.002+08:00

nazaratul farhana says:
hahahah

nazaratul farhana says:
twenty four words today

nazaratul farhana says:
well done!!

beautiful day says:
blog jugak ape

beautiful day says:
picture speaks a thousand words

nazaratul farhana says:
ahhahaha

beautiful day says:
thats 3 pics

beautiful day says:
so that makes it 3024 words

nazaratul farhana says:
brilliant!

Because i want to

2008-05-18T20:56:00.005+08:00

Best shooter

and from 2nd platoon best in mohawk to...

which also makes me the 2nd company best =]

but my biggest prize possession?

...this.

2008-05-11T21:27:00.001+08:00

to my dear girlfriend, heres before i book in....

In the light of day
in the darkness of night
through the worst times
through the best times
you are always on my mind

when your depressed and down
when you feel lonely and just want to cryr
emember you have me
ill always be here for you no matter what
no matter what you think

here when you need me
here when you don't
here when you love me
here when doubt me
here when you think I'm not
here no matter what

never wanting to leave your precious sight
basically because of the love we share

2008-05-11T11:59:00.003+08:00

The Dark Knight ( aka Batman Begins 2) release date is on 18th july. A perfect birthday month for me. I really cant wait for it but the only disappointment is that the cute looking rachel dawes (katie holmes) will be replace by some old looking lady. Tsk.

Oh. And the main actor for the Dark Knight (Christian Bale) is also starring in Terminator 4. haha. i just find it funny

When Time Permits

2008-05-03T11:58:00.001+08:00

it always take something special to trigger an entry from me. not that im saying my entries are always special. just that, i find it difficult to blog purely because i dont want to waste the civilian time i had. ah. civilian time. talking about it, something happened yesterday. nothing interesting actually. perhaps the right word to describe, would be 'odd'. because apparently, i was in cineleisure the day before with the girlfriend playing Counter Strike. yep. incase the font is too misleading, i'll repeat it and bold it. the girlfriend played counter strike with me. hahahhaha. it's funny because of 3 things. i've never played LAN games before. 2, So does the girlfriend. and thirdly, because of the first two points, it makes our first time playing counter strike together.

it was alright, but still not enough to convince me why there are people who would play for hours. girlfriend couldnt last either. she complained of dizziness and throw up few times. oh well.

it's noon and i've got nowhere to go. naza's finishing work any minute now and im feeling hungry. but no, this doesnt equate to lunch-ing together. i just feel like staying home.

to any interested friends, SISPEC life has been going much and much better. despite their endless field camp, SEVERELY lack of sleep, i think im starting to like it because my bunk mates are worth making lifetime friends with. i miss BMT life, but sispec is a different ball game altogether. im definitely going to miss it when i pass out in 2 weeks. 2 weeks!!!

okay here are the list of people whom i havnt been cathing up with.

tawfik
nizam
zul
haziq
azfar
fadhly

fir
hakim
din
hussein
emi

ida dayana
azeemah
nuraidah

when time permits.

2008-04-13T11:22:00.002+08:00

so apparently, i have received alot of comments saying that they have to resort to reading the girlfriend's blog to know how im doing. (and girlfriends bugging me to blog)

well here i am. good. breathing in afifah's used clothes, in front of the comp, in my mum's room. refreshing, considering i've been outfield alot these days. cultured shock. less sleep, higher expectation, more effort. and i thought recruit's days were bad.

oh well. its all about getting used to the system.

2008-01-19T17:51:00.001+08:00

i'm the best sharpshooter in my company!!

My Girlfriend loves me

2008-01-04T10:02:00.000+08:00

and i've got tonnes of evidence to prove.

plenty.

national service

2007-12-13T06:50:00.000+08:00

I'm off for a vacation. Somewhere offshore. I'll see you people in a couple of weeks.

HOW ABOUT!

2007-11-28T12:26:00.000+08:00

time and time again, i would open a notepad, write a little, and without finishing the thoughts i was planning to pen down, i would dump the book aside. it is quite worrying for the fact that i always wanted to be a journalist someday, and although i have something that most people dont at this current point of time - the luxury of time wastage- i dont seem to find a good way to fully utilise it.

ambition
the dreams are looking realistic, now that i've got a response from one of the local sports magazines to send a sample article of my own writings. flattered? yes. delectate? very much. for the thoughts of being close to realise my dream is always flusterring.

procastinating?
lazy?
now until i can break those bad habits, i will forever be here, doing my normal blogging rounds. unpaid.

now, they are quite a few people whos harrassing me (consider me nice for not using relentless words than that.hah) to put up an entry. girlfriend excluded, surprisingly. and like i told the girlfriend yesterday, i have so many things to write about in mind, issues to discuss and share. but on temporary form, i dont have the passion to milk out points from a topic and sensationalise them. so this is as far as i go.

i wonder how nuraidah and ida are doing right now.

2007-11-22T06:25:00.001+08:00

ENGLAND ARE OUT!

A toast for Hussein

2007-11-21T16:17:00.000+08:00

what is the different between Steve Nicol and Syed Hussein?

not much apparently.

Heres an extract of n interview with Roy Evans and i quote...

Q: Looking back at you career, you worked with so many characters, but who was the funniest?

A: Steve Nicol. In his early days there were some gems. Everything he said he got wrong. Everything he did he got wrong, but on the pitch he was fantastic. Alan Hansen, Souey and Kenny used to wind him up something rotten.

Thus, from those quote, i hereby dedicate this entry to you Hussein.

Aku sayang kau lar Hussein!!! Takde kau, life is hundred times boring.

Ahhh. Fuck it. Life goes on.

Presidential election: Vote for me! Sms '2' for Syed Hussein/

Stand up as people

2007-11-20T14:12:00.000+08:00

i know its late. but stand up as people and how do i by lee ryan keeps replaying in my head (and the pc). okay i shant proceed to say how soothing his voice is, cos i think its wide obvious.

and officially, im left with less than a month to appreciate my pink IC before i have to surrender them. NS is due very soon, though its never the best to forgo my almost-daily-meet-up-the-girlfriend routine, im quite looking forward to experience the next stage of life.

National Service: Where boys become men?

We'll find out.

been said that love is unparalleled. such is the value that we are very careful with the word; not be careless verbally, used only on certain moments, special time, and at the right occasion. and believe me, when come those moments, its electrifying - everytime.

im on a roll right now

The Way I Are

2007-11-17T12:49:00.000+08:00

i dont know where to start. so heres a couple of pictures, just so you're assured, that im still alive. and breathing.

FM 08

2007-11-01T13:11:00.000+08:00

there are more things in life than football. yes. you're here, at firdaus kassim's blog, and i did write the first sentence sincerely. no agenda whatsoever. i decided to visit some random bookstore in few malls, and instead of doing my usual rounds to the Sport's/Football/ Biography (its only uselful to look for footballer's biography) sections, i made a detour to the self-improvement department. to be honest, i wished was rich. or even more. there were vast amount of books which i really want to bring home. how nice. i needed things to do at home. no more tuition. no more schools. jobless. literally. no plans to seek for any new job. or anything like that. so imagine the life i'm having at home. no, really. don't dream of being in my shoes. you'll dread, if your lucky. dead if your not. boredom. bleargh.

nazaratul farhana. everyday's highlight. and movie at 6 later. cant wait. meanwhile, right now, i'll be making another trip to Times. to find books on surviving boredom.

cheers

Refresh

2007-10-29T12:18:00.001+08:00

each time i feel like blogging, it will continually be the time when im nowhere near the comp. always. the phrases strung together at that moment would be perfect, i thought. i dont write those thoughts down. never did. and when i finally got my hand on the pc, i either lost those thoughts or just plain lazy to blog.

ohhh. then theres this feeling in me about blogging as well. that the blog content will actually ruin whatever is plan in the future for me. like im tempting fate. insecure. or anxious, however you see it. or perhaps, im worried that it'll be like doing self reflection on every days event. and having regrets afterwards. thus explain why im not keen in looking back and blog.

the vicks inhaler hasnt been out of my sight for the last 18 hours. its addictive. very. and i've got the girlfriend to thank for that, who has been a very bad influence. hahaha.

and on a random note, i wish to say how fortunate i am to be blessed with an elder sister like mine. i do hope you are reading this, from somewhere, anywhere. i love being around her.

so love life is fine. and the girlfriend's brilliant. it's early days yet but im being optimistic over anything. and everything. in fact i couldnt find any other superlative to use here. how accurate could i describe the feeling right now? well, people who dont envy my life right now, should. okay now go on and hate me. haha.

i love naza.

2007-10-18T13:19:00.000+08:00

The pretender

My girlfriend's spoilt. very. just look at her time table. netiNFRA. INGAT STYLE APE to name the subject after your name?

2007-10-17T19:11:00.000+08:00

My girlfriend the fanatic

this is for spurning me away for the bathroom. now we're even.

The girlfriend and I

2007-10-12T15:46:00.000+08:00

The Girlfriend and I

i do not know why my blogging approach changed drastically. compare. the old blog, or even old entries do have story of my daily life. nowadays, i dont quite understand, or rather, have yet to analyse why im always hesitant whenever it comes to reproducing a synopsis of my everyday life here. cautious. which you can hardly blame me for.

and im desperate. i want to blog but i just couldn't find the right words to continue. stop.

and finally. a picture, to fill up empty spaces here.

2007-10-04T13:59:00.000+08:00

and how can i stand here with you

and not be moved by you

would you tell me, how could it be

any better than this

Everything - Lifehouse

2007-10-02T11:36:00.000+08:00

im not normally, hardly, a joking person.

so heres something for a change.

joke of the day: "b, kalau i pass motor, i beli kereta boleh?"

2007-09-30T11:10:00.000+08:00

Arnolds Mcdonalds

'slow naz, slow. naz, slow. hello hello. slow naz.'

well yesterday evening, while the lady next to me sets a whole new meaning of life appreciation, the lady behind me did well in compensating the hell ride her daughter was taking us in. hahah. sorry b. in your own words, your mums a 'coolie'

and this is the third liverpool game i missed. what am i thinking???? i hardly missed a game for few years running and suddenly, this season, im like FRANK LAMPARD. all in the name of 'slow naz, slow. naz, slow. hello hello. slow naz.' haha. okay im not making any sense here.

but honestly, i wouldnt mind missing liverpool vs man utd game if its for another day like yesterday. okay, maybe not liverpool vs man utd. perhaps liverpool vs cardiff? much better. hah

and yesterday,

was awesome shit.

2007-09-29T12:28:00.000+08:00

Not to be out done, i have my own 666 as well.

2007-09-27T09:01:00.001+08:00

that girl out there, will get me trip and fall one day...

and to nuraidah, finally i can say that you do exist! i was having doubts whether you actually exist as a person since we've never seen each other despite living just across the street. (the kallang stadium incident could have been fake. how could we bumped into each other in the middle of 50 000 odd crowd?? definitely impossible. hahaha)

and see, i can afford to do a light hearted entry once in awhile.

2007-09-26T12:57:00.000+08:00

Goodbye Jose, Hello Fernando

the one whom i admired. i looked up to, despite the nonsense he cultivate at times. the one ive always wanted to emulate, has left chelsea. although a liverpool fan, im a huge admirer of jose mourinho. and yes, im very disappointed i wont be seeing him regularly on tv working with tactical issues. and im sure, non football fans, would appreciate the shear of confidence he has. bags of them.

on a brighter note, Torres Hat trick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 6 goals in 6 starts beybeh.

2007-09-24T14:30:00.000+08:00

Because life is short

dreams. abundance. bail you out of reality, occasionaly. act as a temporary joy, a getaway to fantasy. but often, shattered. if im lucky,remains intact, as a far fetch matter

fear. like a confinement. restrain your instinct. impedes you from good things in life. at times, it doesnt hurt. you. comfort zone. it doesnt hurt. a taste of pleasant things, and fear hurts. heartache.

maybe. 5 letter word. an uncertainty. 2 syllables. with varied meanings. despite the unrest, the excitement reign.

home. the place to be.

my storyboard. an illustration of life. colourful yet dull. flat.

sometimes, less is more. sentences. expressable words. only few would distinguish. the actual meaning of an entry, is secured. because again, less, is more.

firdaus.out

Wake Up Call

2007-09-16T12:02:00.001+08:00

Wake Up Call

i went through the every day motion, never having any issues to be troubled about. well, nothing major actually. but has it ever occur to you that either, you're entirely ignorant. or possibly, just being insensible to the impressions, the general public are forming, of you.
we are incline to say that we dont care what others think of us. we say that all the time. like a cliche. almost religiously. just no way a 3rd party's inkling image could have affect on you. or could it?

yes. sometimes no matter what we do, we just cant please every single one. i mentioned before that a negative remark is infectious. its amazing to see how a bad preception can travels really fast. contagious. from one person can turn to two. two to four. four to eight and so on...
but it doesnt matter because 'we dont care what others think of us'

throw in someone who matters to you into that group of people. and suddenly, the circumstance changes. our lifelong principles are being overlooked.

suddenly you're not the laidback person you're used to be - finally standing up.being defensive, which to some people, is like an admission of guilt.

how wrong these people are.

and then i began to wonder, could better things happened alot earlier for me if i havent been oblivous beforehand?

sunday afternoon, cooling weather and im already out of bed 3 hours ago. i'm finally feeling the boredom of staying home and doing occasional tutoring/coaching. and im due to send a sample article to some sports magazine but i guess i found more joy in blogging instead of completing the articles. liverpool drew, unbeaten still. but main ting right now is ,im bored.

bored

bored

i need 3pm now.

2007-09-14T11:12:00.000+08:00

http://www.dictionary.com/

The dictionary interpretation of pleasant affection are

1. fond attachment, devotion, or love

2. Often, positive affections.
a. emotion; feeling; sentiment
b.the emotional realm of love

Two words depict two similar meanings.

My definition?
Two words really.

Because in this one moment, only those two words;
two names, matter right now.

2007-09-13T12:02:00.000+08:00

Okay. Now that its the first day of the fasting month, i've yet to eat for 6 hours. My brain is going bonkers so heres some random things you need to know about Firdaus Kassim, me.

1) He doesnt wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

2) When he wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken

3) There is no Control button on his computer. He is always in control

4) Everybody loves Raymond. Except him.

5) He never has a bad dream, because he never sleeps.

6) When he was born, the only person who cried was the doctor

7) The film Anaconda was filmed in his trousers.

8) Jude Law is his stunt double.

9) He puts the FUN in Funeral

10) He doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage

11) When Google can't find something, it asks him for help

12) When he does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down

13) He can build a snowman out of the rain

Rule 1: He is never wrong.
Rule 2: If he is found to be wrong, refer to rule no.1

2007-09-12T18:14:00.000+08:00

Rollback 2 years ago, i was down by the pit. on a skirt. on the verge of dropping out of school. business process and system engineering. no way that course was for me. i need something tailor-made for my kind of person. something different. being naive at 17, i wanted to quit badly. i was desperate.

roll on another 2 years. 2 words. i graduated.

results are just out and it was one of, if not most, satisfying moments i've felt. and the fasting period couldnt come at a better time either. pretty things happened in the last few weeks and im totally grateful that i am moving on. finally.

2007-09-10T18:11:00.000+08:00

We're both looking for something
We've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide
Looking at you, holding my breath
For once in my life
I'm scared to death
I'm taking a chance letting you inside

I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as a scar under my skin
Like being in love, she said, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Whenever I'm alone with you tonight
Like being in love with you for the first time

The world that I see inside you
Waiting to come to life
Waking me up to dreaming
Reality in your eyes

We're crashing into the unknown
We're lost in this
But it feels like home
Like being in love she said for the first time
Like being in love with you the first time

Cashback

2007-09-08T17:37:00.000+08:00

Cashback

it takes approximately 500 kilogram to crush a human skull.but a human emotion is delicate thing. take a breakup. my first real break up. my first real girlfriend.i nvr thought it would be similar to a car crash. i slammed the breaks and im skidding towards an emotional impact. so is this all my fault? me. its funny what goes through your mind like this. the months we spend together. the promises we made. one day shes with me saying i love you and the next, shes with someone else - probably saying the same thing. so did she really love me. wad is love anyway? and is it really that fleeting.

the age old question. what is love.

at night. this is the haunting period. the time when the demons of regret come for you. she stood right there, when i said those words. "im sorry."

to think about her now with someone else, it felt like all the oxygen has been suck out from the room. after my break up, i just couldnt fell asleep anymore. the more i tried to sleep, the less tired i felt. i was wide awake. i tried everything. i just become immune to sleep. i suddenly found i had 8 extra hours. my life been extended by a-third. i wanted time to pass quickly but instead i was left to witness the passing of time of every second of every hour. i wanted the hurt i felt to go away. but in some cruel twist of events i now had even more time on my hand. more time to think about her. i took the bus with no real place to go. i watch the landscape slowly changes as it clungs to the last hours of sunlight, before leaving me to yet another sleepless night. i started to read all the books that i wished i had time to read. but with the extra hours, i even had time to re read my favourite ones. but she was never far from my mind.

it was getting obvious that i need to trade some of my time.

my first year at school was boring to say the least. but at least it teaches me the fundamentals of staying alive.

there is an art of dealing with the boredom of long hours. an art of putting ur mind somewhere else which the seconds slowly tick away.

my breakup with her has left me with the sense of the time that has become unhinge. i drifted in between imaginations and reality. between past and presence with increasing ease. i could feel the bolt of time slowly coming away from the bracket. time manipulation is not a precise science. but like art, its personal to individual. so what is the art of making my time moves so fast?

i imagine the opposite. that time has frozen. i imagine the remote control of life has been pause. within these frozen world, im able to walk freely and unnotice. nobody had even know that time had stopped. that moment, when you see someone walking down the street who is so beautiful, you cant help but stare. but imagine, as i do, that with the world on pause, it becomes very easy to understand the concept of beauty. to have it frozen infront of you.captured. unaware.

and would it be wrong? would they hate me? for seeing them. i mean really seeing them. i read once about a woman whos secret fantasy was to have an affair with a artist. she thought that he would really see her. he would see every curl, every line, every detail about her features and love them, because there were part of her beauty that made her unique.

and then, i saw her. i looked at her. i wanted to freeze time- again. i wanted to savour that moment. to live in that moment for a week. but i couldnt stop it. only slow it. before i knew it, she was gone. after the door closed i felt like the last person on earth.

i often wonder what it would be like to spend the rest of my life with the world on pause. to live out the rest of my live within two fractions of a second. to die of old age and then have time continue.

was i spending too much time in this frozen world? it felt safe. untouchable. but how safe is anyone.

i had slowly stopped thinking about her and drag myself into the present. the extra 8 hours of my life had done nothing to affect the time. the minutes flew into hours. and hours into days. the days join the fast rushing rivers of time. the bad news is that the time flies. the good news is, that you're the pilot. most of the extra hours is that i spend the time thinking of the new her. i drew her endlessly. over and over. her pale skin, her delicate frame. in her eyes i could see the world. i thought about the new her escaping her current life. travelling away. pursuing her dreams. i thought about her asking me to go with her. both sharing our dreams....

2007-07-14T03:09:00.000+08:00

Never in my life, has a day been ever so hectic like todae (okay okay. i probably said it then, and will say it again sometime in the future again)

I remembered staying up late yesterday cursing at the fact that i have to wake up EXTRA ( and by 8am, i really mean EXTRA) early the next day, and with successive events to really occupy me and squeeze my stamina out for the day.

report was a jerk. i wonder how lyn got herself to finish it up. i had to rush to 4 different places before 2pm, and then comes the kids.....

oh yes. something new did finally happened in my life. im coaching football at griffith primary now. the junior team in fact.
kids.
precisely.
imagine 3434259 eight-year-old kids bugging me, pulling my shorts/shirts/ hair/ socks asking me to let them play when i can only choose 11 players to play at once.
they can be a pest, but at the end of the day, i laugh thinking about the stories they came up to IMPRESS me (so that i select them to play)

and ohh. just a short story to tell.
a chubby kid came up to me and this conversation happened:

kid: coach, budak2 gemuk selalu jadi goalkeeper tau. ( coach, do you know that all the fat kids become goalkeeper?)

me: abih asal tak jadi? (so why dont you become one?) [ okay i felt bad when i said that. seems like im implying that he is indeed, erm, fat]

kid: tak nak ah. selalu main dengan kawan2, asyik kena jadi goalkeeper je. tak best. saya nak main defender. boleh dpt bola. (i dont want to. usually when i play casually with my friends, i always get picked to become the goalkeeper and its no fun. i prefer to become a defender instead. that way, i can get the ball more.)

pity ah. i realised fat people are probably seen as unfit. so being a goalkeeper can be seem degrading. oh dear. well, thats just one of the many stories. i'll keep updated if theres any better. oh well, i cant wait for tmr's game.

2007-05-21T01:16:00.000+08:00

being able to realised that to start anew, you need to act.

and this is where i rebuild. from scratch.

the life.
the soul.
the dreams.

2007-03-21T21:53:00.000+08:00

The Revival

all this while, i failed to recognise that death, is one way to bail you out from a bad reflection of yourself. okay, apart from suicide - which would instantly potrays you as a pathetic person living an inadequate life, any other form of death makes people feel sorry for you.
well, the reason for triggering this entry is because of yesterdays article, about Pakistan's cricket coach, who died 24 hrs after his team was eliminated from the world cup. the twist is, he was slammed by the media for being incompetent as a skipper, but after learning about his death, they sang a different tune.

how things can change in matters of hours.

sometimes, we made mistake in our lives that has a huge impact on others - often, it happened without us having any intentional motives towards the outcome. for sure no one wants to hurt others.
but they do not realised that we are also nursing a comparable distress, if not worse.(take a disappointed parents for example. they get upset because we failed our exams. but its not like we planned to fail, just so that we can hurt them. seeing a dejected parents, add to failing our OWN exams, just double the pain)

and generally, once a mistake is made, its hard to change peoples perspective of ourselves. and despite efforts to rectify it , those black marks will be a permanent stain. the question is, do we need to die before we earn the reprieve from another? is it an obligations to buy respect and amnesty with your life?

with due respect,i think we all have issues with the dead. we tend to give people recognition after their death. we do things to commemorate the deceased. for what?
i get the the point. the principle.
but sometimes, i do think we ought to do it earlier- when they are alive.

as they all say, we only tend to appreciate people after they are gone.

i updated-again. my brains rusty. so pardon me for the lack of ideas. really sorry. now, i dont want to die before you guys realised that im really sincere with my apology. haa! okay im bored lar.

2007-03-13T19:34:00.000+08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, i present you the sweetheart of my lifetime, afifah munirah.

The day she was born.

I love the expression...

And the look...

this, people, is the dad and mum (my sister).
i love my sister to bits. but now, i have to squeeze afifah in.

now, people, i've UPDATED UPDATED UPDATED UPDATED UPDATED UPDATED. give me a deserve smile like this...

at least she can appreciate me for updating.
i love you lar pipah!

2007-02-23T12:10:00.000+08:00

i dont care if this blog is dead.

because im over the moon with bellamy and riise.

two words.

GET IN!!!!

2007-01-20T17:15:00.000+08:00

The Novelty

about time ey? for an update. apologies for the eternity wait for an update. theres been quite alot of happenings in life but nothing interesting of late to be honest. and im being very frank. so, there wont be much update here im afraid. schools been taking toll. everyday is like a cycle over and over again. but im still around, surprisingly. im tired ar. so early in the year. hah. i dont have any resolution and i dont plan any. okay anyway, i feel that im obliged to at least give a beam of how glad i am over couple of things.

one, i've raked up 50 CCA points which is equivalent to Excellence grade (if im not wrong).
two, projects going well despite lagging behind in the first few weeks.

and more importantly, im delighted (an understatement btw, but you get drift) that my closest people, my not-so-close ones, and the used-to-be-closed ones are actually enjoying life among their loved ones. it just gives you the mirth feeling you know? reading their blogs, knowing very well they went through shits from time to time, and for once, i could sense a change, drastic one. a very different tone in their writings. that'll always make my day. for the one in nyp, the one in nafa and the one in NIE. a big wide smile to you guys. =D

2006-12-07T18:27:00.000+08:00

Because it's never too late for a loveable close friend...

Happy 17th Raihana!!

im never good with photoshop. so there you go.

p.s: sorry i adopted the same approach as the mystery guy who stole picture from friendster. hahahahahahaha.

2006-11-20T21:58:00.000+08:00

dear love,

2 and a half years, and its all boil down to this. i know its hard for everyone. but for a decision that was made, a decision that could have been made, 2 years ago, im really really disappointed.
i dont have that many regrets. in fact, i dont think i have any. but suddenly, there is a need for one.im choke to perform something that i could have done two years ago.i was forced to. i insisted on an illustration to erase those question marks. because i keep seeing them every night. because i keep wondering about them everyday. because i know, if i had things be the way it is 2 years ago, or a year ago, or 6 months before, or now - whenever the time is- i will still get the same outcome.i deserve them to know. i know it. you know it.
but now, i wont get any.

for all the wait to get things right, to know the truth behind every excuses, they just evaporates in one night. one moment. one message. and that, i strongly do not believe i deserve them. not quite a bit

yes.life is unfair. but again, after a reshuffle of thoughts, it isnt. we are responsble for turning them into. you did. this is someones life we are contesting here. my life for that matter. that will go on and on till i take my last breath in. 2 and a half years i lived in confusion. no hint of peace and serene. nothing. no indication of anything beneficial. no, love, nothing at all

by nightfall, the loneliness kicks in. i would be you. and i would be myself.i confer. alone. i imagine us sitting by each other interpreting each others thoughts. i rehearse possible conversation we could be having -in case we bump into each other one day. yes,love, im sick.but i want an end to this.i want my youth to be colourful. i want my kids to know that i spend my young years as an artist. designing my life as interesting as possible. so believe me when i say this is not where it ends. this is where it was abandon. by you. and running away is not the answer. because all it did was destroy another man's life.

how could you, love.
while the flame is still burning, you invite others in your life. twice. both times, without explaination.
how could you, love.
the assurance that we would reach a conclusion to our love chapter, was later annul.

how could you...

im willing to let go. of course i am. though everyday was a useless effort. but i realised this is not about me. its about you AND me. please show some sensitivity. or sympathy even it needs me to kneel down and beg.

i want a life. and to have them ruptured at 17, is a disaster.
no. catastrophe.

i want my life... and i want them badly...

2006-11-16T21:44:00.000+08:00

The Principle

there is a modest difference between lying, and hiding the truth. i, for once, think it needs to be level up. because there are plenty ( i WAS in the list) who thinks its very very mismatched.

now
to hide the truth. you need to lie. im a firm believer that a lie will lead to another. its not a habit. its a fundamental. a must. i give you 5 seconds to answer this question.
why do you chose to hide something? an information about yourself for example.
it is because...

i dont want other people to know.

or rather

i dont want that particular person to know.

i understand very well that in each and every of us, we have secrets. a harmless or a dark one. anything. and i concede that they need to be respected. but wehn a choice was made to keep the dossier off the world's eyes, i assume there is a back up plan ready to explain why things were hidden from a person's knowledge. or perhaps, there isnt any in the first place?

anyway, i was thinking, what if by sheer chance, the person who isnt supposed to know - yet, does get to know?

now, this is something worth discepting.

for sure,if you're that person, the one on the receiving end, its a big blow. a heavy one.very
i relish saying that i've been there, done that. and it was a phase of life that was wearisome. difficult. when this happened, i asked myself two questions. three, in fact.

why.
why.
and why.

its much harder to soak it in. to understand why exactly this step was taken.

"for your best interest" came the reply

but this doesnt conclude anyting. instead, i would be oblige to ask, in what way is it the best for me ?

im not just talking about a love relationship here.
its general.
it could be that an adopted child wasnt disclose of his 'status' by his parents for years and years.

hold it.
i might just see it. i see whats wrong.
time. delay.
because the longer you take to tell someone of something he should have known earlier, the longer and worser the pain would be.
as they would feel, i definitely would, that they have been living in denial. why?
didnt i say that to hide something, it requires lies?

2006-11-11T10:34:00.000+08:00

The Meaning

everyday,everyday was a lost cause.
but we kept fighting.
what else can you do, when you love somebody.
you gonna let her go out like that?
so you fight
and you keep fighting
you never give up
and you gonna beat this whole thing...

Prison Break episode 10

2006-11-09T15:36:00.001+08:00

The Pinch

when you gape on something everyday, meet someone every moment, it became a familiarity.
it forms a pillar of your everyday life that keeps you going all the time.

but often, these are the things, that arent being taken care off.
these are the things that are being neglected.
these are the things, that are being unattentive to.

taking things for granted, is a more common hearing.

its a case thats being directed to all the us out there. because face it, we do not go through a lifetime doing all the good things.

people, to be more specific - we often relate the phrase 'taking things for granted' to the people around us. i always see them as the base of my strength. the one who holds on to me and whos responsible for my completion. they build me up and if one of them are taken away, (theory) its fair to draw parallel between myself and a building - they collapse.

however, we are blessed to be who we are.
the difference?
we are human being.

because when we flop and smash to the floor,
we DO NOT rebuild,
we do not say im starting all over. life starts when you were born. and you can never leave your past behind. its them that shape your future.

" i've already turn over a new leaf.im definitely much better now."

much better? than what? when?
ahhh. the past! comparison.
a metaphor to help you correct yourself in life. right all the wrongs. gain all the trust, the faith. because THE PAST will forever be in your shadows

therefore i repeat. we DO NOT rebuild.

we change.
and when we duely did change, it'll make us proud of ourselves.
it'll draw out the pride in us. and it'll lessen the regret of our previous wrongdoings.

and then we realise, that we CAN NOT rebuild.

instead, we pick up from where we left off and learn to move on.
and the catalyst in this process,takes us back up to what i was discussing - the people around us.

how often have you acknowledge their countless presence and help in you life?
and will you cope, when they are gone - especially in the moment of necessity?

though im certain i would get a handful of ' yes ' answers, i ask again.
how different was the 'transition period (the time when you try to get over a pain)' in the past compare to now?

2006-11-05T20:34:00.000+08:00

i finally get to meet the secondary school mates from my batch. they reminded me of the old days and at the same time, made me realised how much we've all have grown up. (click to enlarge)
First picture taken from my place. Suhaila's Afiq's My favourite cousin holding to the newborn =) With Syahirah Afiffah and Syahminah Abyana
I was sweating because i was very very worried i might drop her...
Not the way i like it to be taken...
With my first born child. ok i lied. shes my 3rd.

aha. okay thats cute. shes very pantang when she sees the camera. know. she dont really like to get her picture taken. she wants to be the cameragirl everytime.

ahhhhh. some overdue pic. hady mirza baybeh

2006-10-31T18:46:00.000+08:00

The Outlook

I am really worried for the future,
IF there is a future.

Pardon for this very random entry. playing alot of Football Manager causes mental block. so im trying to write something good.

...

Gather all spoilt teens, all the thugs, all the ruffian and randomly throw a stone at them. chances are, they are, well, right, malays.
i don't know if its propaganda, or exagerration or simply media hype to paint the culpability on us, malays.
but its principled.
because we lived up to their tall talk and now, we are left worrying about the hereafter.

im not proud of the way i breed this idea for todaes update. because i was praying and i noticed a badly deformed feet of the guy next to me. and it reminds me of the story of this chinese guy who had a size 15 feet but never had a fitting footwear to move around with. yes, wearing something tight, while growing causes the feet to be badly bowed.

so this leads to?

us teens.
yes, its a subpar example. and i agree.

but its just a tropology.
too much curbing of freedom
is very bad.
see the relation now?

i used to chide the parents because they chose have a complete control over their child upbringing, no breathing space, and how they rebel.
i dont understand it either. parents treating a child like a machine?

the blaming game drifts from the parents, friends, environment and themselves. ahhhhh the buck stops with them teens. however much the parents does, the friends influence, the environment incite, its them that makes the decision. true. decisions, are guided by the surroundings. undoubted. that teens matures at late age, thus whatever they did early in their life, are apparently very hard to change. very hard is the key word here. because they never never meant impossible. try is the key word here. because without effort, things cant happen.

nevertheless,
im thankful that my parents always play the right cards while we, the siblings, were growing up.

...

i didnt visit geylang during the fasting month. partly because i heard enough stories (or mere exaggerration perhaps) about how it was jam with mats and minahs. its sad you know. especially when i know couple of them who had a decent education from both parents and the society. and them who kept their parents in the dark about their activities because they dont want to hurt or disappoint them.
and this got my attention,
if they perceived about their deeds, what exactly is the problem?

2006-10-22T18:13:00.000+08:00

The Bond

i was having a decent conversation with a friend few days ago, and she mentioned something that triggered an idea for this entry.

she was doing spring cleaning and came across letters which subsume promises from the ex.

now i tell myself. its no longer a rare sight to have someone breaking a promises. im no stranger to this occurence. and i dont think you guys out there havnt had a promise broken too. in fact, we been exposed to such things from young.

go back a decade and you remember your parents oath. 'finish up your meal and i'll take you to the playground'

but they never did.

go back a few years, and you'll reminisce 'i'll get you a new bicycle if you score a band 1 for your subjects.'

i scored the highest, but the bicycle still remains in my wishlist.

why?

i supposed, that promises were made, to ensure you achieved a target. they act as motivation. incentives. to stimulate interest in something you do. of course i thought my parents were cruel for lying. they even risk the fact that i would never trust them if they ever gave such promises again. i didnt understand. didnt

but at this age, i got the grasp of it. it was done for my best interest. it was well intended but it was never right. and it will never be because promises are NOT meant to be broken. scorn whatever the 'beautiful quotes' says.

quotes.
they always string words togeda which brings out one meaning.
irony.

anyway,
back to the topic,
i repeat yet again, with a change
promises are NEVER meant to be broken

and when they involves the matter of the heart, its worst. because there are so much more at stake.

how often do you hear, your partner utter the word forever in their promises?
hear this.
'i'll love you forever.'
'i'll forever be your side'

funny thing is that the word 'forever'carries a huge burden. a big meaning. and more importantly, it ties you somewhere.
or rather, something.
not on a short term.
not on a long term.
but swallow this.
forever.

which prompt me, to ask.why would anyone make a promise they dont think they could serve with justice?

its easy to blame the person for making empty promises. but of course there are reasons for every action.

i'll leave you a question to ponder on of what i assume to be a strong logic.

could those words, promises, be proclaimed in the moment of lust?

2006-10-22T11:35:00.000+08:00

The Match

yesterday, was the worst football game i've played by far. i dont know whats with me yesterday.
the injury wasnt helping either. this back strain is really painful and i woke up with a stiff back today. i dont think im going to aidilfitri prayers. i cant sit up straight. i had to hold back each time theres 50-50 ball to be challenged.
and shahrin thinks i could have a hairline fracture in my ankle. i still cant run that much.

nevertheless, i just dont know why i cant make a 30-35 yards pass to the wings. i should have done alot alot better.

but in all, i've completed like 75% passes and haf two shots on goal.

but still, i was shit at football yesterday. period

2006-10-20T19:55:00.000+08:00

The song on my blog was sung by Hady Mirza, believe it or not. he recorded it for fun before joining singapore idol. and hes diction, is very lousy. i chuckled upon hearing him pronounce most of the words. heh. the lyrics and song are nice though. meaningful. to me at least. sounds very plain. but anyway, for you hady and babyface fans. cheers=)

With Him

So ya never meant to hurt nobody
Well I think your full of it'
Cause if ya really really didn't wanna hurt nobody
You wouldn't slept with my best friend
And I bring insult to my injury
You weren't a bit discrete
And while the world stood witness
To my embarrassment
You put a knife inside of me

How could you fall in love with him
How could you give your heart to him
Thought we'd grow old
As lovers
Together til' the end
How could you fall in love with him

Now I know we've had our, up and downs
And that I do admit
But sometimes lovers go astray
But you've made it permanent
Oh I can't be there understanding
My heart's just not that big ( no it ain't, no it ain't)
And I can take the pain
Of infidelity
But I can't take you with him

Thought we'd grow old
As lovers
Together til' the end
How could you fall
Fall in love with him

2006-10-19T19:49:00.000+08:00

The History

they say that you should leave your past behind, and march forword. dont ever turn back.

i just did. though i understand the need to be cautious, i dont see any harm in doing so. in fact, i was having good laugh, covering my face with the palms in disbelieve.

why shouldnt i? i relived the blog, my very first blog and i keep chuckling to myself in embarrassment.

from my obsession with the number 7, to my love life, to endless football talks and other needless and boring comment. read them. have a laugh yourself. i was 17 at that time but i did not sound like one.

i will be updating that blog again to keep your interest in my daily activities. if there is a need to share of course.

http://bridge2far7787.blogspot.com/

so get the popcorn, the chips, and coke ready.

but dont blame me, if you choke on them. =))

2006-10-17T13:28:00.000+08:00

The Binding Ties

i dont recall too much about making known of my thoughts about my friends. rarely, you heard me heap praise on them. but anyway, im thankful that i've been blessed with the people around me.

the inner circle,
or outer circle of friends.
im grateful. pleased. im really really gratified.

them four people whom i can chalk talk all day, even at the extend of monologue (sp? grammar?). they switch off and listen. and when i thought those henchman stopped following because i talked too much, they immediately respond. in the process, making me touch. they've really been listening

i can always connect nuraidah at such a high level. she is such a very adept person, and i have absolutely no qualms or plague of her educating my children in the future. yes, for a soon to be teacher, she will be coaching your sons and daughter too, and i certify that they are in safe hands.

hakim is just the best person around and he has this ability to actually be a girl and a guy (its a really nice thing im talking here)- all at once. its easy when you have that kind of people around because its them that you can relate.

and when the heads go down, she pulls them up. even if she does it by pulling the hair. she is the confidant. im optimistic that azeemah will one day be very popular around people. when she talks, she amazed. when she talks, she impressed. all the time.

and there are plenty others. school is my next inland. and i have these people to thank.

i was an oddity among my coursemate but every effort was made to include me. and xiu zhi is a strong instance. being around lyana makes me feel very much myself. nazneen, on the other hand, never fails to entertain me with her blunt comments and interesting tales. while zi xue, when she talks, makes countless sense. i supposed shikin is very much the most humblest person i've ever met. she has THE complete package. and im very very convinced she has a very bright prospect ahead of her. i love raihana for being raihana. shes engaging. i just really love her for that.

these boys shares my interest. the trio of tawfik nizam and zul makes my day most of the time. tawfik turns each day a jocular occasion. zul is always trying to help. and nizam, well, hes just nizam.

shahitha is the evil twin. and azfar! how could i forget! he cracks lame jokes and apologies for them- each time.i like the fact that a brooder guy turns to me for comfort. it makes me feel good. it builds your self-esteem (not the ego mind you)

then theres people who come and go. the friends who, while typing this i decide to call them acquaintance, just covers up all the loop holes in your life.

i dont supposed i could ask for a more colourful life than this. im 19. with the whole world waiting ahead. there are bound to be others who will enter throughout the journey. but for now, i'll leave it at that. i'll allow the future to uncover on its own.

i just want to thank them, who made all the difference.who shaped my life.who creates my biography. and who leads the way for the future.

and lastly,
i keep wanting to push things forward, because i keep having that thoughts in the head. I thank you and thank whoever sent you for me to put my faith in you.
this chapter is written, but my book shall never close for you.
shes my spark.
shes siti mariam.

The Fable

2006-10-16T14:53:00.000+08:00

The Fable

i dont mean to sound boastful, but i used to read up alot about journalism. i admired newspaper columnist, guest writers, and how they express themselves. Rob Hughes for example. Strait Times Sunday columnist. and i learned. i studied journalism (technically). i wrote. i had not noticed the propensity to produce vast amounts of words in short period of time. but once i owned this blog, it was a swim or sink. i wanted to make known of my thoughts. i discovered an amazing ability to crank out windy and colourful stories about almost everyting. and nothing.

and i remembered, when i first wrote short stories back in primary school days. and sell them for few cents. but it was during my teen years when a fellow teacher, whos been an inspiration to me, read my manuscript, leaned slightly forward to my ears, and uttrered the words that would instantly make this a game.

i wake up every morning thinking of either new story or new angle for an old one.

stories. newspaper. which reminds me, of yellow journalism. i wonder how influence can an article, an outlook be on someone. an incident, from two completely different angle.

scenario. an outline

a family dog suddenly turned aggresive. and two kids were attacked. one of them grab an iron rod, and bashed the dog up. an editor, who happens to be around , witnessed the whole incident.

two angles.

two standpoint.

boy saved family from aggresive dog

or

boy killed family pet.

get the idea?

this wont be a lengthy entry. but i just wanna say this. i chuckle upon reading our local papers at times. a moderately severe car wreck with no fatalities was front page news with breathless quotes from eye witness and ambulance drivers. a drug arrest sounded as if the Colombians were advancing unchecked upon the innocent children of the country. a small factory expansion sounded like a big boon to the country's economy. blood donation carried the urgency of wartime shortage. three stolen pickups in one week had the feel of organized crime.

oh dear.
the power of sensationalism.

and this entry is such example

The Choice

2006-10-07T12:34:00.000+08:00

The Choice

last week, i painstakingly completed a long entry (read The Irony), and topped it off by accidentally clicking the delete button - with 4 more hours to go before breakfast. and my stomach, was menacingly fiercer than all the wild animals combine. ( think of the growling).

hows that?! what would your reaction be? bring out all the curse u learned from young? nah. i wouldnt do that. im a laid back person. that is why i smashed up my keyboard (think of the exaggeration) and blew off anyone who talked to me on the net. i was all set to break my fast, get drunk and sulk around the corner all because i did not make a backup entry.

until

a cousin cum friend drill some sense into me because he can no longer capitulate my 'cool and calm' act.

the reason why that entry reoriented, especially when it happened in this holy month, could only serve one purpose. to question and analyse how restraint i am handling such cases.

two purpose.because i really think there were some miscalculation, errors, in that entry. instead of cursing my luck and say 'i dont deserve this. fuck off.', i retract and chose to believe that the 1st write up is full of bad points and not good enough.

another scenario

i wrote a long letter and im contented with the outcome.
shit happens.
and i lost the composition.

two choices-
re write
or
move on

picked number 2

and i realised that if i were to send the actual piece to the recipient, whatever my intention, will never be realised. the donee will then get a different impression of me and things will never work out the way it did.

you get the point?

life is full of selection
often its easy to opt the easy way out which is the wrong decision
its always elementary to drown in misguided path, the wrong choice.

having said everything, im being overly cautious. (think of delete button incident)

out.

2006-10-07T12:10:00.000+08:00

Reply to Taggies

nuraidah- yes. the first step is always the biggest obstacle. afterwards i think it'll be easy. go with the floooowwwwwww.

liana- eh no lar. i ripped from your blog. haha. thnks for dropping by

mei xin- i told you its worth coming here. hahaha. jk.

effess- yes. the song can only match up to your layout design. hah. pardon me for the dull, liveless background.

fren of yours- hoi! whats with the anonymous name? 'fall in the DUCK eh???' haha.

rai- alar. english saya cuma c5. really. welcome to the neighbourhood eh!

zeem- will do so when i have good material to use. =)

''irah- kecik2 ade bf. bilang ibu eh. good luck for psle.

The Irony

2006-10-01T14:00:00.000+08:00

The Irony

how can a person blame themselves for something thats not in their control?

how often have you wished you had the ability to not worry about the result of something?

i supposed the largest abhorrence you can ever confront in a relationship is the the fear of rejection or worst, the phobia of a bad experience.

more often, these people, yourself, myself included, are just too concern of such cases that they are not willing to experience the joy of a real, true relationship.

of course its comprehensible. fluent. that such cases apply to those who had falled out from a relationship. your happiness are due. you deserve some felicity after some tough time. but what if those matter wasnt realised because you're still held back by the reverence, fear.

and i asked myself,
what would i ever do if i were in this situation?
what will be my thoughts? my act?

i dont have to look far to have a good start.

"Nothing in life, worth having or keeping, is going to be effortless or painless."

relationship. friendship. and perhaps even siblings.

everything involves commitment. and you know you haf to give your all. the very best. before you can ever be satisfied with anything.
a relationship can either go all the way, or bindingly, a heartbreak. you have to learn, to understand, to read that such things are just inevitable.

echo.

how can a person blame themselves for something thats not in their control?

so do not.

just imagine what its like to experience a failed relationship knowing very well that it was because you held your emotions back.

dont think. just do it.
follow the wave.
tail the flow.

i always think of the outcome whenever i meet someone knew. when its the current situation that i should be focusing about. we just cant deny that as human, in our mind, the outcome, is negative. that hold us back. put stop to our tracks.

of course this doesn't mean you have to lose your better judgment... its just the opposite.
as the phrase says 'whatever will be, will be.'
theres more meaning to that valuable information that there actually is.

im acquiring the art of being open and honest.
its apparent that a relationship can never be maintain if theres alot of hidden things instead of opening up. sharing your thoughts will not only help alleviate your fears, but in fact, its the building of a solid relationship.
and when we got nothing to hide, subconcsiously, we are opening up.

there is a certain amount of risk in everything you do. allowing yourself the freedom to experience love, even with all its uncertainties, is more valuable than any investment or money in the world.

The Dispute

2006-09-18T13:37:00.000+08:00

The Dispute

i took a long time to think of a topic, but i finally decided to go down with this thoughts...

why is it that

smoking is harmful, yet people need it to calm their selves.

drugs are damaging, yet there are those who need them to get on with everyday life (if not they'll shake like they having fits)

sexs (too much and too random) can be very risky, yet people think and feels they are very satisfying?

foods like fried chicken, hamburgers, french fries, and soft can drinks (etc etc, you get the idea)are unhealthy, yet they are the best foods and drinks that can ever be consumed?

(and vegetables are healthy yet kids and some grown ups dont like them.)

(medicines are for you to recover from illness, yet patients and us sickly idiots dont wanna take them)

alcohols are destructive, yet they are consumed when you feel down or need a break?

and when people are willing to go through a lifetime of languish just to relive those short-lived joy and ecstasy, it prompted me to ask,
why do people crave for love even when it hurts?

give it a thought.

The Meeting

2006-09-14T21:34:00.000+08:00

The Meeting

okay to ALL the girl fans of Hady Mirza.

good news for you. im pleased to give you assuranc that tmr, i will get to meet Hady Mirza CLOSE UP since i'll be kick around the soccer ball with him at the TP stadium.

so rest well. enjoy ur tomoro

good night everybody.

=D =D =D =D

The People

2006-09-12T16:20:00.000+08:00

The People

what are your theories of harmful people?

or rather, 'well intentioned' people.

the ones who would come to you to offer the tangibly 'best advice' ever?
the ones who wouldnt resist the temptation to help by commentting on every single misfortune you encountered?
or the ones who suddenly, and mysteriously reappear infront of you, supposingly to rescue the world, but in reality wants something from you.

the world isnt called heaven. they are plenty of such people around.
i know such people.
and you, i supposed, have a couple of names ready to patter from the moment i say go.

you see, it just occur to me how one can play you down yet shamelessly request for a gratifying aid.
such smear and contempt.

and the worst part , is these people are the ones who slowly but never silently, devour the cheeriness and felicity out of your life.

and we dont even know it

bleargh

like as if i give a damn

out.

The Majority

2006-09-10T13:36:00.000+08:00

The Majority

technically, the word age means how old are you.

on a different notion, age actually isolates you into categories of your own.
meaning,
maturity.

at different duration, your wants vary.
at 13, i wanted to start a life like teenagers
and at 14, i just wanted sex. nahh. kidding.
i started to take more noticed about how i dress at 15,
but at 19 years of age, what do i aspire and what do i long for?

im not sure what exactly i need currently, but i cant say i want to earn good money from a very stable job. thats the future.

for now? hmm.

right. i will go do some thinking before i get back on here.

on what i hanker and what i crave.

whats yours?

- - - - - - - - - -

always, and i mean ALWAYS, be there for your partner. nothing is more important in your life than your partner. Friends come and go, as do children, but your partner is with you for the whole journey. If they are in trouble or need you, nothing else matters, other than to be there for them

treat your partner with respect.i supposed it is extremely easy to take anything or someone for granted but once you start to cross that line, it is very difficult to go back. so just be very careful not to treat your partner worse than you would treat your best friend.

The Reminiscent

2006-09-07T15:59:00.000+08:00

The Reminiscent

the closest thing to a friend, that represents you, is music.
songs. to be more precised
for every person, there is at the very least, one song, that is significant to them.
it resembles someting meaningful. something memorable. bitter or sweet. its something thats stuck to them no matter what they do.
and i do have alot of other random songs thats actually reminds me of certain things.

take 'going down in flames - 3 doors down' for example. refreshing my memory, im actually sitting on the bus , heading to st.wilfrid for the opening game of pasir ris league cup 2003. feeling the nerve of the match. and that song helps to calm me down.

which is why, when im bored, i'll hook up with my mp3, get on a long bus trip, and get lost in my past.

and i've never realised how much impact music can haf on a persons mood or how warm can it be to your life.

if you cant have a diary to keep up with memoirs of yourself,
get drown in your bygone time with music

just a random entry.

ok so anyway, heres two more points of how you can be a better partner.

whenever you are disparaging yourself, you are basically saying that you are no good for your partner. if you dont believe that you are good enough for them, then you will never be. its as simple as that. dont sit around and beat yourself up over past mistakes, that will only prevent you from trying and succeeding at new things tomorrow

communicate.things change in a relationship almost on a daily basis. if YOU don't talk to your partner you cld very easily wake up one day and find that you haf drifted too far apart to bridge the gap.

your lost.
so start doing things right!!
go!

2006-09-05T17:49:00.000+08:00

and before i went off to sleep yesterday, i asked myself: how can i wake up the next morning feeling the compulsion to do justice to myself, my family and the people around me. (heck about the country. i'll serve the nation when i get draft into NS)

as we get older, we want to be better. i dont know about you guys. but i want to be remembered for all the good things i did. i tell myself that wadever mistakes you made in your lifetime, there is always a chance to rectify them.

its okay to make errors.
its okay to ask for another oppurtunity.
but never at the expense of others.

sidetrack a little.

if you ever were to ask me how you can be a honourable partner to you loved ones, heres something. im not an expert really. i managed to came up around 6 or 7 pointers. or perhaps more if i could think of something else. but im planning to go with 2 sumise a day. so there. something to fill you readers and my holidays.

its a no brainer. you just haf to be honest. there is not one single relationship that will succeed in the long run if built on a lie. even if your partner never finds out the truth, the fact that you know you lied will affect your feelings for yourself and your partner.
with that kind of a hindrance, the relationship will never reach its full potential.

im against any doing that belittles your partner. everyone makes mistakes in life and everyone works or catches on at different speeds. putting them down about every little thing they do wrong, is very very disheartening. so how can you ever expect them to do anything right?
are we talking about a life partner here or a pet?

so does writing those above enough to get my name into your good books?

hee.

good day people.

2006-09-03T11:13:00.000+08:00

a quick walk down the memory lane can only bring a throe feeling in me. even those nice retention in my head. i just couldnt bare to relive those moments because i realised they were all over and im now, in the future of that past.

i miss my secondary school years very very much. we complained alot about the way our freedom were curbed but i would never ever change that lifetime experience for anything else.
every moment now, i picture myself, 7 years from now, returning to the graduation class together with the rest of the mates, sitting on our very own position and just revive those years.
i will realised how much we haf all change. 7 years from now. we will all be 26.

just imagine,
4-8 class of 2003,
10 years on

mr collins harms, mr eugene tan, mdm zainab (how can we forget her?)
and im coming back (i just have to) to school in a week to see two of them.

okay. so here. just my random thoughts.

are we all judged for our past?
are we all appraise for who we were yesterday?

humans nature beats our civilized culture.

human nature,to be entertained by hearing the wrongdoing of others, talks about them and deafened ourselves to the good ones.
humans nature, to expunge a lifetime compassion with yesterdays vile.

religions aside. are we actually living in a fair world?

p.s to the acute nu-ra-ee-dah (tgk. saya pun generous): saya sudah update! =D

2006-08-22T21:30:00.000+08:00

i simply dont understand why would anyone sit on faint hope.
why would anyone, put in alot of faith, for sumthing they KNEW would not go the way they want it.
but they continue to hope.
even when the odds appears to stack up heavily against them.

hope that a sudden second wind would help to turn the favour for them.

i read of people who sits around at home waiting for their loved ones to return home after 20 years of praying. no. make that 40.
i know of people who wishes their football team would be able to overturn the world in matters of seconds.
i laugh at people who doesnt work because they actually believe that one fine day, their effort of buying a lottery number every week would pay dividends.

you simper. because you just trying to hold back the urge to tell them to
a) give up and move on
b) give up and change
c) give up and get real
d) and if you're so piss, you just tell them to give up life itself.

so why do people sit on faint hope?

my illiberal brain can only think of one valid reason.

to give yourself a chance in life .

two reasons.

to keep yourself going

whats the point anyway i asked? when in the end, everything that you pursue, all the effort, all the hopes and prayers will wane slowly thus making the impact of the heartbreak a double heartache.
i snap at people who mention about hope. i shake them so hard to get them back to their sense. i be-little and even badger them for setting their eyes on those promised land.

but i haf nvr or will never blame them.
why?
because im one of them

2006-08-18T12:08:00.000+08:00

when things are going well for you, you'll crave for more. good, is no longer enough to satisfy ur happiness. you want something more gratifying. excellent. you want the situation to be perfect. but i forget that when you are enjoying the life more than you can handle, this usually means the sign of unpleasant things to come. and you get upset because those good moments didnt last. you regret not content with what you get. and thats exactly what happened to me.

just when i thought im getting the hang of rhythm of life, i lost the momentum.

for a week, i was accepting- life without her aint so bad afterall. im having fun with people around me. i was celebrating every moment with laughter and smile. i was convinced more will lie ahead.

false dawn.

for everything that we strife through, she decided to leave it the way it is. no closure. no ending. nothing

and if you think,
ignorance is a bliss.

says who?? i haf yet to see the benefits of the silent treatment

and people speculate that,
silence is defeaning.

i've turned that into a fact. period.

i wished things could have turned out differently. if only, i havnt done the things i had, and you didnt made the decision you did. if only... if if if. 'if' ... wad a useless word! a ticket to an eternal preoccupation with the past - and with how it could have been. it was the way it was. its the way it is. and that is that. we make the choices we have to make. yes, we may look back and realised how wrong or foolish we were to have taken the route we did, but the fact remains we can only make today's choices with today's information, wisdom, and providence. i realise all this now - but god alone knows how I have stretched the tape of my mind's eye, rewinding and re-playing those last few conversations, imagining what would have happened if...

i would move on. i will move on. i want to move on.

but i couldnt.

... i really do miss her ...

2006-08-15T21:57:00.000+08:00

for a moment, i wondered why i started this blog. this is my 3rd blog. the first one caused alot of problem to my relationship. merely because i was way immatured back then and i adopt the 'tell all and see what happen' approach, instead of opening up personally. the relationship ended. the blog was cancled.

the 2nd blog was set up, to accomodate my uncontrollable urge to rival those who own a blog. i could finally stand up and once again say 'hello world. this is my life. read me.'. i was back. different. and eager to be prove what a good writer i am and attract a fair share of readers. However, i didnt realised i was again, trying too hard to fit into 'adults world'. writing about general knowledge when i barely knew much. and indiscreetly, i blew it. i rant with ludicrousness and gibber with absurdity. its was over. the blog, yet again, was discontinued.

i watch, learnt and put to practice whatever i attain from experience and old bloggers. and friends. i admire some bloggers who are really original and fun to read.

as i re-read the whole blog again, i realised that this blog existed because i wanted to share about the pain and joy about being in love. love for life. love for partners. and love for family. love is universal. i wanted to be a utility to those in love. i wanted to help.

but along the way, i began to apprehand that helping others can be widen.
by writing wise entries. story of joy. sadness. n i was finally sharing my life to others. i drag them out of their circle to believe in something that they never think they would. i love writing about stories that touch the heart. to dear readers out there, thank you for reading. i always believe theres room for improvement on my side. i want to write more. i want to be more beneficial with my writings. to dear siti mariam, every entries is dedicated to you. you inspired me to start off this blog. so thank you.

pardon me for a very random entry. good night =))

2006-08-15T17:36:00.000+08:00

blogging isnt about making you feel better. its about making your opinion known to the world after careful consideration and analysation of a topic. and on top of that, you have to be cautious about upsetting others. yes, its a free world. a democratic country. and every of us are entitled to opinions. but no. there MUST be someone who MUST be controversial in the eyes of the world. they just like the attention, dont they. and finally, u phrase it in the way you like to present, thus making you feel better.

on a different scoop, i turned this thick book about hadith and i found this.

1. You know Allah but you do not obey Him.
2. You think you love Rasullulah s.a.w but you do not follow his customary procedure.
3. You have read the Quran but you do not carry out what is written in them
4. You enjoy the wonderful things god has given you but you are never grateful of them
5. You believe heaven is true, but you never seem like you want it
6. You believe hell is true, but you are not running away from it.
7. You say devil is your sworn enemy but you are not fighting against him.
8. You believe in life after death but you never prepare yourself for it
9. You wake up every morning eager to find the wrong doings of others, but you completely forgot about yourself
10. You attend burials but one does not take into considerations of the lessons learned from it

For every point raised, i feel as though they are actually talking about me.

=/

i wanna be a better person

2006-08-14T18:01:00.000+08:00

project: one last hurrah.

it didnt end the way i anticipated. real bad. just appalling.

on a much brighter side, i wont be having any more classes. meaning there will be an extra week off.

we deserved it, dont we.

for the way we rushed the project at the very last minute and still managed to get it properly done. for the way we played bluff with the MIO project. and the shrewd thinking for auditing. it was hell of an effort. but unfortunately, we ran out of tricks for todae. oh well. we'll see.

and another long bus ride alone was effective yet again. cos i just realised that breaking up isnt actually a bad thing after all. its like a changeover. a beginning to a new revolution in our life. ok fine. maybe from a diff angle, its negative (immediate effect after a breakup). i supposed all it takes, is the courage to face this separation and walk alone in this new beginning. and perhaps, this is the best chance for us to find that right person.

okay i need to wash up now.

and did i mention that modsim project was shit this morning?

=)

2006-08-11T12:43:00.000+08:00

i've got 20 mins to think of sumting to write.

im still in my sleeveless n shorts. untidy hair. your typical look when you just woke up from sleep. yesterday wasnt a good day. it was soooo bad that i dont wanna talk about it. thinking about it just makes me feel so low. i sux at football.

if lyana hadnt mention about this song, lifehouse-blind, then i probably wouldnt get hooked to it.

this entry is so random

i'll see what i can blog when i get back from prayers.

2006-08-10T11:52:00.000+08:00

. . . . dulu ______ sayang saya . . . . .

2006-08-09T19:35:00.000+08:00

the world is a flaky place. something is related to everything.

i re-quote from my earlier entry.

do u see the irony when ur love someone alot and when tings are not working out, it can seem like the whole world is conspiring against u. they can seem like they wanna remind u of that fact at every oppurtunity. everysong u hear on the radio, every remark ppl make around u, every tv drama u watch and the commercials in btwn those shows, seem to poke fun at you for loving and not being loved back.

everything i do, or watch or listen, brought back memories. the ndp parade for instance. reminds me of a SYF competition i watch at the national stadium a couple of years back. every songs now empathize to this and that and that.

its like a retrospect, you see. except theres no happy ending

2006-08-09T19:00:00.000+08:00

i haf absolutely no confidence in our local performers, apparently.

was watching the national day parade today.
and when the jumpers, got off the planes, i was quietly praying that they would land safely. i just had a feeling something bad would happened and they would mess this one up eventhough the commentator keep saying they have 8-10 years of experience under their belt.

and when i watch vincent ng and the kids performing, again, i keep imagining that the kids would trip over, spoil the formation, and draw laughter from everyone watching it. even when vincent ng was climbing up the 'ladder', i thought he was definitely gonna fall over.

its stupid. but i can only watch just for variety without any tension.

so my guesses are, i always underestimate our local talent.

funny.

because when it comes to football, i believe our national team are world-beaters.

2006-08-07T12:00:00.000+08:00

dont blame me for the layout. blame blogskin for showing their discrimination against male users. majority of the layout out there are clearly for the females only. while the rest, they are just not interesting. i think whoever is incharge of approving the layout submited, removed all the good layouts made for male users like me.

okay. so i just typed out 54 unbias words.

anyway, what if i tell you my secret. something awful.

actually, im think im a convincing liar.

okay wait. if its my secret, why am i sharing it?
because i wanna change. so if everyone knows i lied too much, they would prompt me to change my ways.

i lied to parents (who doesnt?), friends, kuzzins and everyone else. not sumting that im proud of. but anyway, i just think that i became such a convincing liar because i always add details to every lies. small details actually. because they all count. they help to cover any loop holes and make those lies look genuine.

people lie to get through the day.
some lie to get through lifetime. (maybe not. you cant actually lie once and get away for the rest of your life. you always need to be extra conscious about your lies. in case you accidentally let something slip out. meaning you have to lie everyday to survive the lifetime. or better still, dont lie)
others lie to make a fool out of people.
and minority, lie with good intention (like maybe you dont want your parents to worry about you. so you lie. etc)

i'll tell you a very good example of how a good liar i am.

you.

why?

because i lied. im not actually a good liar. and you fall for it.

huh? exactly.

go figure.

=))))))

2006-08-06T18:39:00.000+08:00

It's risky, falling in love.
I know that. I've been in love before. It's like a narcotic. At first, it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. The next day, you want more. You're not addicted yet, but you like the sensation, and you think you can still control things. You think about the person you love for two minutes, and forget them for three hours.But then you get used to the person, and you begin to be completely dependent on them. Now you think about him for three hours and forget him for two minutes. If he's not there, you feel like an addict who can't get a fix. And just as addicts steal and humiliate themselves to get what they need, you're willing to do anything for love.

He looks on, an outsider to the events unfolding, nothing but her gentle heartbeat still keeping him there. He sees the hands that hold hers, the masculine strength curling around her weak fingers. He wonders if those hands were his, would the emotions in his heart be any lesser ? Would the throbbing ache within him diminish if it was him who was sharing her pain?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i got them from azeemah. who got that from another source, who in turn, got that from Paulo Coelho.

2006-08-06T10:48:00.000+08:00

hey hey!

morning!

just a short entry here.

go to www.youtube.com

and type krismoyse

listen to all his cover version of songs like the calling, craig david etc2

he sings very very very well. plays the guitar and the keyboard too!
and for the girls, yes, i think hes kinda cute/good looking too.
so check out yea!

2006-08-05T19:38:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Siti Mariam Muhamad.
Shes the one person whom i really really do want to see succeed in life.
cheers girl!

------------------------------------------

what possibly, can a 19 year old guy like me talk about in his blog?

football,
football again
and more football

then it'll defeats the purpose of blogging online because you would disconnect readers with a one dimension content.
minority would say 'who cares. my blog. my rant. my views'
i do.
blogging online IS the difference between diary n blogging.
personal and sharing
private and public.

so i ask again.

what possibly, can a 19 year old guy like me write about in his blog APART from football?

relationship
friendship
everydays life
things i come across that doesnt happened everyday

and moan! its one best way to get your message across how terrible ur feeling! hee

the routine of life has much been the same everyday cycle. relationship with friends is really great. and for now, noth interesting has happened yet.

which brings me back to the question,

what possibly can a 19 year old guy like me write about in his blog if noth happened?

an entry like this, thats what.

2006-07-26T15:45:00.000+08:00

tmr marks the 2nd year of _____.

27/7/04

2006-07-24T19:32:00.000+08:00

am i in a relationship?

can i move backwards if i am?

dulu ________ sayang saya...

2006-07-21T20:56:00.000+08:00

im stress again. i got 3 project due within 3 days. and another one tmr.

lucky got hady's video clip.

2006-07-21T10:36:00.000+08:00

because hady is super good again, im putting this song up since he sang it so well.

2006-07-19T21:37:00.000+08:00

if i were incharge of singapore idol 2, i would cancle todaes show, and ask them to re-do everything again. apart from mathilda, hady n rahimah, they all suxs!!

my bdae is coming!
i want prata cheese telur again! and ben n jerry's!

while ur completing these exercises there are a few things to keep in mind. like during the walk make sure u focus on the world arnd u. take time to notice the flowers blooming, the trees swaying, the colour of the houses, etc. the point of this is to take the focus off urself and to start paying attention to the tings ARND u.

ur journal writing, on the other hand, is the opposite. here is where u will really touch on ur "personal matters of the heart." i dont think theres any right or wrong abt ur journal writing. write wadever comes to mind. its advisable ntto show ur journal to anyone and only read what u haf written every few months. the material u put in ur journal is nt sumting to read and digest. it is done just to get whatever it is ur feeling out in the open. this may not completely relieve all the pain. but it certainly helps u to get over the pain faster. after even just a few days of doing these tasks u will notice a difference in ur outlook twrds many tings, including love. =)

2006-07-18T22:58:00.000+08:00

i swear im on verge of breaking down.

dont try to cheer me up.

i need help. alot of it....

this is the worst period of my life...

2006-07-17T22:24:00.000+08:00

i had a dream. one is bad and another is good. i dont wanna risk saying them because if u mention about the bad dream, then it'll happen for real. and if mention the good one instead, the opposite will happen, no? so wads the point??

okay so my bdae is long done and over with. but i havnt make a wish.
*clasp hands*
i want a brand new working right leg.

im going off to sleep now b4 i got my wish granted.

but b4 that, heres the 2nd part of the entry i posted above.

They say "Knowing is only half the battle." then the other half is learning how to release ur shadows. if u haf found that u are unable to find a true commitment wif someone, it is more than likely because u haf a few shadows lurking around. i guess the first step to releasing them is to find them? perhaps to do this u need to get in touch with urself. start an activity like daily walking and journal writing. both of these things are extremely important in achieving a complete recovery and should be done while alone. much better without the company of other people. i feel that this is the best time for personal discovery. u cant discover urself when someone else is chatting in ur ear. if ur wondering how in the world can u find time for this with ur busy schedule, think again. all u need is about 30 minutes each day to complete both exercises. ten to fifteen minutes for ur walk. and fifteen minutes for ur journal writing. hey. if it works for me, it can work for u. cheers. =)

2006-07-16T11:03:00.000+08:00

pirates of caribean gerek lar siol!!!!!

go watch. =D

my legs are getting better. im so worried that i might damage something inside that requires an operation. oh well. we'll see. i certainly hope not. too many things to rush for. but theres still some tings that i cant do with my legs. aiya. so leceh ar. quit football can?

no way!

i wrote something months ago and i dont remember posting that here. someting which most ppl ask why their history is holding them back. why they are not like other ppl who can just ditch their past. i wish to share. its a long read. but i supposed i'll cut into into chunks. pardon for grammar mistake. im over n done with english lessons years ago. so there u go. do comment alright.

The past is someting we should use to guide our future, nt someting that should control or direct it. when we allow our past to dictate wad we do now, we are no longer in control of ourselves. instead, it is our past that is in control. unfortunately, many people are not aware that this is wad is going on. they noe the past is affecting them but they are not aware to wad degree or how it is changing them as a person and thier outlook on life. how many times haf you heard a person say they dont wanna get involved because they dont wanna get hurt again? while this seems like a reasonable outlook after dealing with such a "controlling, abusive, lying, or cheating" partner, it is really just a crutch. when a person compares everyone in their future with the people of their past who haf hurt them, they are voluntarily letting them control their future as well. they are still attached to them in a way that is even worse than when they were togeda. because now, it is isnt even a real person who controls them, but a shadow.

2006-07-11T12:42:00.000+08:00

there are moments in life that i can be proud of.
but for now, things are not going well as i hoped. results had been well below average.
im worrying about projects which are due in few weeks.
and at times, about love life that has yet to take off.

im currently in school taking a break from studying for this afternoon's ISO interviews. im really concerned because my results arent showing the kinda effort im putting in. and its demoralising. ppl around me are going out alot and having their great juncture of life but they are scoring quite the opposite of me. study smart? more likely.

2006-07-07T11:32:00.000+08:00

=D

i turned 19 a few hours ago! now theres a reason to edit my profile everywhere! heh

okay many thanxs to

Tawfik
Fitriyanna
Azeemah
Raihana
Sarah
Mariam
Ida Dayana
Lyn
Muhd
Maya
Fasha
Rushdi

for the bdae wish.

and alot of thanks and appreciation and all the sweet words in the world to

nazneen
xiu zhi
shikin
lyana
zi xue

remember the previous entry i mentioned that i had a great start to the day?

it just gets better. fcking hell. i didnt expect anyone to actuali do them for me
ok heres wad happened. all i thought was just a nice invitation for a get togeda lunch with the gals. first, i was made to sit at the centre. then i was asked to buy my lunch and when i came back, they had a cake with a lighting candle inplace on the table!!

how do u expect me to react to such gesture??

oh yar. i didnt add that a group of unknown strangers were actualli singing the bdae birthday song at the canteen (whos idea was it??). plus the fact that others were looking and surveilling their camera at me (okay. so i exagerrate). nice?? i was the crown singapore idol yest. hahaha

nevertheless, i just had to reminsce an occasion happened 11 months ago. i sincerely hope that however and whatever the impact the gals made yest was a recreation of what i did back then.

to zhi xue and shikin, thank you so much. though we are merely coursemates, those deeds says alot about your character. and shikin, bless you for the drink!

to lyana, nazneen and xiu zhi, i shld never trust you with the lunch invitation. haha. kidding.
the gratitude is beyond description. so a big big thank you is the exclusive thing i could offer! =))

(p.s: i want ALL the pics!)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2006-07-06T11:02:00.000+08:00

early morning. hello. =))

a great start to the day when i finally had a decent breakfast. at my aunts place that is. its not as if my family dont prepare breakfast. but i just dont have the appetite each time i wake up.
plus the fact that im always late for sch. so theres really no time to gorge any food.

theres no purpose for todaes entry. just that to my dearest fren, tawfik, i need you to show me character. the strong of yours thats able to bounce back from any setback. you know your frens cared about you. even during the times when the person that mattered most dont. i you me him her she he all want you to be in you best everyday. so if your reading this, i say lets make tmr a crazy day! (east coast!)

no!

if your reading this, then tag!!

haha. just kidding.

good day people. =))

2006-07-04T16:28:00.000+08:00

since hady sang this song so well, i decided to haf 'heaven' here.

do u like haf this irony of waking up every non sch days and feeling excited about how ur day gonna be, and not on sch days?

i do.

every friday or weekend, i just wake up early in the morning eager to log on to the internet just to check on latest news on everyting. or rather, on sumting that ur hoping. only when u realised it didnt happened, u let out a soft sigh.

and then i wonder whats next. n if my frens will be making any plans or if i'll just haf to get around doing my normal 'sit at home' routine.

i swear im running out of sites to visit. the last resort would be to surf around friendster aimlessly. which now appears to be out of bound due to maintainance. thus explains this entry.
oh well. blogging IS the last resort then. my bad.

out

2006-07-03T10:11:00.000+08:00

its official that now, i hate cristiano ronaldo to beyond ur imaginations.

i just cant understand why on earth would he want to get his team mate book.

he dives all the time in this world cup and nvr gets book for it.

he exaggerate all tackles.

he got rooney sent off

and to think that he had the guts to wink at his teammates and coach at the bench after rooney sent off is just pathetic.

hes proud of what happened.

rooneys a manc. but as shitty as the mancs ar, ronaldo are worst off than that.

go to hell.

2006-07-02T16:52:00.000+08:00

im sick!

fever, flu, cough, a swollen left eye, plus the ankle injury still yet to recover, and now ulcer in my mouth.

as if thats not good enough. my nose was bleeding yest. either its because i keep sniffing or its because im very hot.

the medication isnt helping. my nose been leaking the whole day.

anyway, i really enjoyed friday. the tp football boys were even official of this football mania. 16 sec schs teams will play out against each other in 7 aside tournament.

anyway, after words we all stayed in sch to watch world cup quater finals in tcc.

ahh. wont go into much detail about football related topic. nantikan, ade bdk tu complain ar. dahlar dier jatuhkan books from the library shelf. tsk2. haha

2006-07-02T11:30:00.000+08:00

Just thought this is a nice song. i couldnt upload the song here. just the lyrics. =))

Lene Marlin - How would it be

What have I done?
What if it's too late now?
Did I do all I could, did I?
Did I make it good, did I?

Somehow it doesn't feel right
Is it really all over?
Did I think it through, did I?
What if all I want is you?

And now
I won't see you again
The moment was there but we lost it
Time changed it all
And we let it
We let it happen

And now
I wonder how it would be
If things stayed the same and we liked it
The end of a search 'cos we found it
How would it be?

What have we done?
What if it's too late now?
Was it always like this, was it?
Was it something we missed, was it?
Somehow it doesn't feel rightIs it really all over?
Was it all it could be, was it?
Did I give you the best of me?

2006-06-27T22:40:00.000+08:00

tagged by lyn

7 random facts about me
im turning 19 soon
i hate cockroaches
i love living in pasir ris
i drink while eating (when theres food in my mouth)
i like art. just hate doing them
im quiet when im most piss
i dont drink milk

7 things that scare me
God almighty
dogs
failure. yes im scared.
losing trust
virus on computer! so many personal stuff in here!
broken bones
losing my IC! not again!

7 random music at the moment
7 days
sorry
we belong together
right here
party people
slow motion
good luck

7 things or ppl i like the most
football
computer
tawfik
azfar
raihana
family(thats one)
ida n lyn (they come as one)

7 things i say the most
ah fuck
merepek
asal boleh je
serious per
thank god
ye sayer
ade? ade aku tanye? (HAHA)

7 people to do this
whoever read this, pls be nice enough to tag, and do this. even if u dont haf a blog, do send me thru email for my pleasure.

2006-06-26T16:35:00.000+08:00

hii. im in school. just finished classes with no plans in mind. its the first day of school after the holidays for majority of us and i tink many will agree that it was very difficult to wake up todae. since our body clock is so adjusted to waking up late.

im feeling pissed. my leg still haf yet to recover early meaning im gonna miss todaes training again. bleargh.

so i finally did someting good todae. i decided not to be self-centred. not to be egoistic. and not to be arrogant. that made me unlock my frenster account allowing others to view. im wondering why i even didnt permit outsiders from viewing them.

perhaps, like i said. its the ego.

so what now. i just wanna blog. at least entend this entry. topics..topics..topics.... hmm.

oh!! i need a designer. to assist me in design something. any takers? free labour unfortunately.

ok then. shall not continue. blog again sometime.

2006-06-23T15:43:00.000+08:00

here we go again. i've decided that the previous skin was very messy. not that i think this one isnt. but i just cant find anything thats suit my personality. most of the skin on the blogside are for ladies anyway. so i haf to content with someting else.

not much happened the past few days. i sustain a foot injury. a hairline crack on the bone to be exact. so stayed most of the time at home since i can only walk on crutches.

fadhly birthday celebration was on wednesday. it was alright. all the lads was around except azfar.
and on thurs, it was movie day for her n her n me. it went roughly well i think. sorry im not too bothered to type the details of all the happenings.

as promised, i try to write some sense. so i wanna start with ppl who had been the catalyst to where i am now. a great impulse to drive me forward.

a no-brainer if i were to say family were the main crowd that are part of this. they definitely are. right from when i was born. till i die.

Tawfik-
some friendship finish when they stop seeing each other. many ended after secondary school life, or at the slightest of conflict. im just happy that we are still the best of buddies even after 4 years. perhaps the bond was strengten by our common interest. i recalled a number of times when we were hanging out in very small groups, its when all the chats tell tales starts to pour out. its fun cos u get to noe the the hidden side of each other. and also, get some loads of the chest. hes the person whom u wont feel awkward talking to. i guess most would agree that hes the kind of person u need to meet in ur life.

Azeemah-
how optimistic can a person gets? even when you KNOW that the whole world is against you, shes'll make you convinced that you will definitely overturned the odds and triumph the battle. a friend and a confidant. when good tings happened, when things go awry, shes the first to know. i wonder if its really a 20 year old soul trapped in a 15 year old body.

Raihana-
i find it funny at how a friendship started. and also surprise at the the impact she made at a short span of time. all her clowning are lame. but they dont fail to make your day most of the time. i just find it comforting how both of us can relate to each other due to alot of stuff we both had commonly faced before. if she wasnt the girl whos attach, and i wasnt the guy whos shy when meeting new people, and if we had just bump into each other on the streets, or in sch, i would certainly inquire for her number and ask what shes doing on weekend and if shes interested in going out with me for a drink or movie. perhaps things could haf gone differently

Hakim-
When someone so smart, older, wiser, the model grandson for my current generation of my family, looks up to me, it causes flattery. being a guy helps. being a kuzzin, he understands the travail and quandary of being in my family. for so long i seek support for my everday activities and long term dreams. i needed them. and he provided them all the time.

Mariam-
Even when shes no longer around, she left a lasting impression. its those small tings that she used to express that always drives me forward. she was my pillar of strength. and i wonder how someone whos no longer willing to be there for you, is the one that you look up to for a lift. she remains a large picture me. a huge motivation for dream and platform for achieving ambition.
i know, from that very day, that its time to let go. im confident that i will. i just need a closure on this matter.

New look

2006-06-14T12:48:00.000+08:00

i've changed my blogskin finally. now i promise to talk more sense, have a more argumantative entries, and blog often.

n get more ppl to read them.

The Geylang Trial: 2nd Day

2006-06-13T20:33:00.000+08:00

back from training.

i felt really small, sitting in the dressing room with players like hassan sunny, razali johari, syed fadhil, noh rahman to name a few. n their chinese foreign import was fantastic. he made me feel home. chat me up. as though i've known him for awhile.

i thought im gonna blow it training alongside good players. but after a few good touches and passes, my confidence gradually went up. i enjoyed my time. i ran and ran, asking for the ball. and didnt feel tired at all. weird.

and then we had a two-a-side-session. which im clearly not happy with my performance. few bad passes, one led to opponents goal. but afterwards, when i was heading for the dressing room, a player from the sleague side went up to me to compliment on my showing. oh well. i didnt think i deserve it. but it sure made me want to do better tmr. and btw, hassan sunny is seriously good looking. good body shape. i think he is all the girls dream guy.

ah. bye.

2006-06-13T10:31:00.000+08:00

hey. im training with the s-league side todae at jalan besar stadium. =))

anyway, yest was a mixed experience. i think its the jitters that cause me to keep messing up basic stuff. i cant even make a pass out of a stationary ball from 1 metre!! my simple basic control was pathetic. tsk. but on the bright side, i had a good moments. esp when it comes to defending. i really want this. why do ppl always fail when they try hard to impress. i need to loosen up abit. any advice ppl?

2006-06-12T14:59:00.000+08:00

i dreamt she broke my heart...

2006-06-08T11:15:00.000+08:00

heres an extract of the conversation that took place yest.

while i was doing a 1 v 1 basic defending drill.

robert: he's better than some sleague defenders.
robert: how old are you?
me: 18.
robert: which year?
me: 87
robert: do you play for any clubs?
me: no more. i was at paya lebar last year
robert: who was your coach?
me: richard chew
robert: richard... are you still keen on playing?
me: yes. very much
robert: okay. how come richard didnt put u in prime league?
me: they didnt have a team anymore right? they merge or sumting.
robert: i recommend you, uhh, tong hai. hes coaching geylang united in prime league
me: oh okay
robert: richard has coaches you well ah. or did you come with it?
me: *smile* i dunno.

2006-06-07T19:10:00.000+08:00

hello again.

plenty to update. but less energy to type.

so here we go. something pleasant happened todae.
firstly, i just graduated from a coaching course. which makes me a qualified coach now! haha
and todae, i walked home with the trainer (a medic, not a coach). shes 20 and kinda good looking. the 1km walk seems so short ar. tsk2.

ok heres the best part. when i was doing one of the drills, robert lim (he was an ex national player and now a respected coach) was incharge. After a few mins, he actuali asked me if im playing for any clubs and if i would like to play in the Prime League! woohoo!!! just when i thought im gonna hang up my boots!!

anyway, he called up Lim Tong Hai to take my particulars. And in 2 weeks time, i'll be training at Geylang United. i think this will be my very last crack in football, as a player i mean. i just hope this time im able to make it. pray for me people. =))