Firdaus Kassim
Its not what you are underneath, its what you do that defines you.
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firdauskassim.blogspot.com
nazaa.multiply.commfir05@hotmail.com
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2 and a half years, and its all boil down to this. i know its hard for everyone. but for a decision that was made, a decision that could have been made, 2 years ago, im really really disappointed. i dont have that many regrets. in fact, i dont think i have any. but suddenly, there is a need for one.im choke to perform something that i could have done two years ago.i was forced to. i insisted on an illustration to erase those question marks. because i keep seeing them every night. because i keep wondering about them everyday. because i know, if i had things be the way it is 2 years ago, or a year ago, or 6 months before, or now - whenever the time is- i will still get the same outcome.i deserve them to know. i know it. you know it. but now, i wont get any. for all the wait to get things right, to know the truth behind every excuses, they just evaporates in one night. one moment. one message. and that, i strongly do not believe i deserve them. not quite a bit yes.life is unfair. but again, after a reshuffle of thoughts, it isnt. we are responsble for turning them into. you did. this is someones life we are contesting here. my life for that matter. that will go on and on till i take my last breath in. 2 and a half years i lived in confusion. no hint of peace and serene. nothing. no indication of anything beneficial. no, love, nothing at all by nightfall, the loneliness kicks in. i would be you. and i would be myself.i confer. alone. i imagine us sitting by each other interpreting each others thoughts. i rehearse possible conversation we could be having -in case we bump into each other one day. yes,love, im sick.but i want an end to this.i want my youth to be colourful. i want my kids to know that i spend my young years as an artist. designing my life as interesting as possible. so believe me when i say this is not where it ends. this is where it was abandon. by you. and running away is not the answer. because all it did was destroy another man's life. how could you, love. while the flame is still burning, you invite others in your life. twice. both times, without explaination. how could you, love. the assurance that we would reach a conclusion to our love chapter, was later annul. how could you... im willing to let go. of course i am. though everyday was a useless effort. but i realised this is not about me. its about you AND me. please show some sensitivity. or sympathy even it needs me to kneel down and beg. i want a life. and to have them ruptured at 17, is a disaster. no. catastrophe. i want my life... and i want them badly... POSTED BY FIRDAUSKASSIM AT |